I sort of lost my blogging confidence after a comment during a meeting to get back to work. It really threw me and I am sure that I took it way out of context as I can sometimes have a skewed view of things due to the anxiety.
But just to today I stumbled across a link to my Folksy V Etsy post on a facebook comment a chance encounter and it got me to think again (and a new post about that will be coming). I knew that I would be coming back I do love blogging and I have received so much support and encouragement to help me through especially during my melt down and having to re evaluate and re learning about my complex health issues that mean I am disabled - not that you would ever know from just looking at me.
So what it happening in the world of Mouse?
I am now getting back to the desk job, completing a phased return and requesting a reduction in hours to see how I go. Its important for me to work but for a long time I placed far too much importance on work (as in the desk job that gives certain financial security) this was fuelled by a bad personal experience of the benefits system years ago and knowing that the situation is even worse now. The reality is that I could lose my job because I am incapable of sustaining attendance and therefore by default incapable of doing the work (an employer can not keep someone on indefinitely on the off chance that they maybe able to work the odd day here and there and I would not expect them to) but I would have a very hard time getting sickness benefits I would be found 'fit' for work despite being potentially 'unemployable' due to ill health disability - so yes the current system for people who really need help, understanding, care and sometimes a big hug is very hard.
I was in a situation where I was living to work - yes I was able to work full time and afford all the things I wanted - new clothes, new shoes, new Radley - but I rarely went out, did things, my life was work, come home, cook, eat, sleep, pain and repeat - and my health since then has declined.
I love creating and I was even find doing that difficult as I was just too tired, in too much pain, couldn't concentrate.
But now I want balance I want to work to live and yes LittlemouseLilly is continuing and growing. I love my Mouse world and the dream is that Mouse will give an income so that fingers crossed in time I wont have to go to a desk job. Mouse work for me is easier to fit around my health needs I can work and rest when I need which is obviously more challenging with a fixed desk job. Mouse work is also not really work (yes obviously there are the serious bits eek Tax Return etc) but Mouse work is really life to me its a huge part of me and I need the creative outlet.
So at the moment I am working out that balance and I am sure that I will make mistakes along the way - but that's how we learn.
And of course I am continuing to create lovely things -
New prints coming
Beautiful jewellery
Lovely cushions
And a lovely wedding commission
And I can still be found in all these places:
Etsy
Folksy
Blipfoto
